So the last few days I’ve been feeling down. I think there are a lot of various factors that are causing this “funk”- I feel as if I’m not teaching well, I don’t have enough patience when I know its necessary, I don’t feel like I belong, and believe it or not I miss home. There are loads of people I miss. I miss people who care about my well being, care enough to truly listen, and care so much that they help me grow and develop. I know in these moments, when I’m on the edge about to fall, I need to have more faith that God is present. “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” As God’s provision is evident in little and great ways, I have hope that God has a vision for me even when that vision is not clear to me.
Recently, the student that I’ve been struggling with revealed that he enjoys my class. One of the options for him was to move to another classroom to see if he would behave better in a different environment. When the principal asked how he would feel if he were moved, he said that he would be sad. She asked why and he said that he likes his teacher. I just hope that in the future, he’ll be able to respect me more. I’m thankful for his challenge; he inspires me to strive to become a better teacher.
Yesterday we had a Thanksgiving Dinner hosted by our school. It was located at a nice inn owned by parents of IST students. The food was great, all the essential thanksgiving food was present (mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, sweet potato, cranberry sauce, turkey, and drum roll…. pumpkin pie). Todos es rico! I’m thankful for tasty food.
Today was an uplifting day, despite the fact that we haven’t had water since Thursday. (I’m thankful for showers whenever someone opens up their bathroom doors.) Originally, I was going to spend my day waiting for a call so that we could get a dress fitted. (I need to get a dress made for the Christmas program. The Kindergarten Christmas program is a HUGE deal. The kids are so cute singing and shimmying.) However, I got an email from one of the other kinder teachers saying that our dress appointment will be postponed. I let out a little gasp of glee because I finally have a Saturday free! My housemates, another friend, and I went to El Centro, one of my favorite places in Teguc. It was so sweet not to have any time restraints and just roam wherever our feet wanted to wander. Our first stop was Nicolati’s, a creperia located on a 16th street like strip (it reminds me more of a walking mall in Chihuahua). I ordered a pinnini primavera with a granita (like a Starbucks frapp but better) and some papaitas. The ambiance of Nicolati’s is phenomenal. We had some other Centro encounters, the best was a couple who escorted us to an ATM after they noticed our gringa and lost faces. I am thankful for great hospitality.
And our final destination: the market. The market has become my little escape; my goal is to go at least two weekends a month. This place is a place where I feel real- not sheltered- not terribly lost but happy and blessed. Happy because I’m living in Honduras and blessed because I am privileged in that I can purchase all that I need and want. My life is saturated by North American culture (a blog in itself) so I very much look forward to any opportunity to take part in Honduran culture. Currently, I feel the most myself when I’m embracing Honduras by doing something “outside the comfort zone”. I’m thankful for three movies for $5 but more than that I’m thankful for a reality check.
In a few days I’ll be going to El Salvador. I’m thankful for a break!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Looking Into the Heart
The last three weeks have been hell. Everything is just SO hard. I feel like I’m very inadequate. I feel like I’m failing. My class room is the most trying obstacle but in so many other ways I’m being challenged. Nothing is simple. Everyday is an up hill struggle. And I still ask myself why. What is my purpose here, ahorita (now)?
On a completely more positive note: I was really blessed by the parent conferences. I was a little nervous before hand because I have a handful of students that I’m truly worried with. The conference in general went very well. Most all of my parents are very understanding and supportive. They are so willing to assist in any way that they can. After the first partial, I realized how many bright students I have. Sometimes I forget because I focus so much attention on those who are struggling academically and behaviorally. I have some really mature students and I have others who just bring a smile on my face after the end of the day.
One conference in particular was very unique. The mom didn’t open her student’s report card at all in my presence. Her first question was, “How is my son’s behavior in class?” She continued to ask questions about his interactions with others, “Is he kind?” “Does he share?” “Does he fight with others? “How does he treat girls?” Later she said that she is much more interested in his character than in his academics. That was such a surprise! I wish more parents had her heart. I wish my parents had such a philosophy. She modeled God’s prime concern for our heart. It reminded me of the song, "The Heart of Worship," one line states:
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
I was encouraged by her desire in molding his heart. Her child gives great big hugs and is one of those who make me smile. I’m very privileged to work with each of my twenty-one students. This hardship is worth it.
On a completely more positive note: I was really blessed by the parent conferences. I was a little nervous before hand because I have a handful of students that I’m truly worried with. The conference in general went very well. Most all of my parents are very understanding and supportive. They are so willing to assist in any way that they can. After the first partial, I realized how many bright students I have. Sometimes I forget because I focus so much attention on those who are struggling academically and behaviorally. I have some really mature students and I have others who just bring a smile on my face after the end of the day.
One conference in particular was very unique. The mom didn’t open her student’s report card at all in my presence. Her first question was, “How is my son’s behavior in class?” She continued to ask questions about his interactions with others, “Is he kind?” “Does he share?” “Does he fight with others? “How does he treat girls?” Later she said that she is much more interested in his character than in his academics. That was such a surprise! I wish more parents had her heart. I wish my parents had such a philosophy. She modeled God’s prime concern for our heart. It reminded me of the song, "The Heart of Worship," one line states:
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
I was encouraged by her desire in molding his heart. Her child gives great big hugs and is one of those who make me smile. I’m very privileged to work with each of my twenty-one students. This hardship is worth it.
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